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umm ya [01 Aug 2001|05:36pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i've never had anyone like you in my life
at this pint im not sure if its wrong of if its right

its like ive never met anyone like you who could make me the happiest but
then again i remember you made me the saddest

remember when you told me i only bring you down?
hey dont be a hypocrite take a look around

you have a gift in making me cry like no one else has ever done
cant you see for me this inst my definition of fun

what once seemed so right
now just seems like a neverending fight

last night it seemed to appear you didnt care
to me that just doesnt seem fair

i know im insecure and i assume things but
lately insecurity is all your freindship brings

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umm ya [01 Aug 2001|05:29pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i've never had anyone like you in my life
at this pint im not sure if its wrong of if its right

its like ive never met anyone like you who could make me the happiest but
then again i remember you made me the saddest

remeber when you told me i only bring you down?
hey dont be a hypocrite take a look around

you have a gift in making me cry like no one else has ever done
cant you see for me this inst my definiton of fun

what once seemed so right
now just seems like a neverending fight

last night it seemed to appear you didnt care
to me that just doesnt seem fair

i know im insecure and i assume things but
lately insecurity is all your freindship brings

post comment

[31 Jul 2001|12:39pm]
[ mood | not sure ]

at this point in my life i feel the lowest. the lowest ive ever felt. and damn its something i can say i defintly cant appreciate it and i wont learn to appreciate it either. i cant believe i could be so ignorant. ignorant ot the fact i was changing. changing for the worse. i never thought i could be like this. i always thought i had my shit together. i dont. and damn its hitting my hard. i kicked my own ass in all three situations. and then last night one of well im not sure what to call her but i consider her one of my best friends and she called me up and made me realize so much shit. she was blunt about how she felt made her point pretty clear and spoke her mind. for that i can say i gained respect for her. but i lost reespct for myself at the same time. ive been so ignorant to the fact i was losing three of the best people id ever had in my life. damn i must me pretty ignorant. and now im finnaly realizing it. first off there's Adam. the kid who made me the happeiest but then again he made me the saddest. wed had the worst and the best but im not sure if i wont the rest. all i know is that i miss the kid more and more every day. and its like i wont it to appear as though i dont care. it just makes me feel stupid to know im caring so much about someone and im not sure that they care about me. its hard to care for someone who doesnt care for you. its like you want to but you dont want them to exactly acknowledge it. and deep down i care. its just hard to face the fact that things might never be the same. then theres krystyl. the girl who i would call over to my house and we'd sit on my bed and cry. the freind that you could confess your inner secrets too but now it seems as though we cant even confess or inner thoughts on our own friendship. i miss being able to call her over to have her here just for the thought of knowing we'd always be there for each other no matter if it was boys,freindships, and just life in general. then theres alex. the chic i could never get mad at. now im not sure how i feel. she made me realize my bad side. its hard to do that and except it.you have to be willing to change. and im willing. its just sad that i had to hear it this way. alex i just hope you told me all the stuff to help me not hurt me.im pretty sure you did it in my best intrest. but thanks anyway no matter how you meant it. ive realized that ive changed and i used to be like no i havent and now ive realized that i have. im pretty sure no one like tis side of me. im not sure i do either. im so sick of me blaming everyone else for bad things that have happened damn its no ones fault but mine yet i was still blind to see it and kept on insitinting it was everyone elses fault but mine. now theres no one to point the finger at anyone and i find it sad that there doesnt even have to be anyoine doing it and yet im realizing im the only one to blame. this whole thing is my fualt.my lack of communiaction has caused this all along with my ignorant ways. im going to do my part on changing. easier said then done. im working on it. its not just gonna happen overnight but im doing my part. i just hope it will be good enough. hopefullyu things will work out. for all the hurtfull things ive done im sorry, for all the great times i thank you and hopefully things can be as they once were. until then ill be working on getting my shit together

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me and things so far [31 Jul 2001|11:24am]
[ mood | not sure ]

at this point i feel like the lowest ive ever been. and its someting i defintilty cant appreciate and wont learn to appreciate either. damn i feel pretty stupid at this point if i cant notice my own flaws and others can. how could i be so ignorant to not notice i was changing for the worse. im a pretty ignorant person i guess. i never thought i could allow myself to become this way. damn i need to get my crap together. i need to fix this. easier said then done. yes i know it wil take time but i need to work on it. uhh i cant believe this. last night one of well im not sure what i would say but i consider one of my best freinds but ya she hurt me like no other. damn and she was blunt about it. she spoke her mind said how she felt and whoa it hit me hard. i respect her for speaking her mind. but at this point im not sure if she did it to hurt me or to help me. either way it made me trealize so much. ive lost three of my best freinds. and i mean losing one was band enough but now all three. i guess i had it coming for me. the first adam. he could make me the happiest but then again he made me the saddest. ive had the worst and the best but im not sure if i wont the rest? its one of those types of things. i miss him more though everyday. its hard to say i dont care. its like i wont it to appearthat way. appear to him as though hes never hurt me. but the truth is he's hurt me more then any other person has. its hard to care for someone who doesnt care for you. it seems like he doesnt care so i figure why should i. but deep down i care so much. i just dont want to have to look at him and feel so hurt. i wish it wouldnt have gotten like this. and damn most of its my fault. then there krystyl. ive become so distant with her. she used to be the one who i would invite over and we'd sit on my bed and cry. wed confess or most inner secret to each other now we dont even confess or own personal feelings on our freindship to each other. we arent even on the same level of communication with each other. i want our freindship back the way it used to be. the good old times of us hanging witheach other for just the sense of comfort of knowing we'd always be there for each other. that no matter what i could call you up and tell you how i felt on boys,freindships,and just life in general. what happened? perhaps it was my distance and lack of communication. yes i know i have a way of being a hypocrite butdamn im done with that. im so sick of me acting like its everyone elses fault. no ones there to point the finger at me but i think its pretty sad when there doesnt even have to be someone there pointing the finger at me and i know itwas my fault. before i wouldnt have realized it but now i have. and then last but not least theres alex. the chic i could never get mad at. im pretty sure im not mad. im not sure how i feel at this point thogh. i know i feel im defintily to blame on our freindship falling apart. for many reasons im to blame. i will say that our lack of communication to each othere definitly played a part but the rest was me. what has happened to me. everyone has been like youve changed we like the old brittany. and in the begiing a few only said that now it seems as though everyones saying it. and im not sure what the old brittany was like but im pretty sure no one likes this brittany. im pretty sure i dont. but ya i guess i could thanks alex for jumping on my case about this but until i see improvement on my frienship with her im not sure what to do. I know im gonna do my part of changing and excepting the fact that ive done some hurtful things. and attempt not to do those things. and for anything else ive left out im sorry and for everything great i once had with you all i thank you and hope things can be like the once were soon.

post comment

me and things so far [31 Jul 2001|11:24am]
[ mood | not sure ]

at this point i feel like the lowest ive ever been. and its someting i defintilty cant appreciate and wont learn to appreciate either. damn i feel pretty stupid at this point if i cant notice my own flaws and others can. how could i be so ignorant to not notice i was changing for the worse. im a pretty ignorant person i guess. i never thought i could allow myself to become this way. damn i need to get my crap together. i need to fix this. easier said then done. yes i know it wil take time but i need to work on it. uhh i cant believe this. last night one of well im not sure what i would say but i consider one of my best freinds but ya she hurt me like no other. damn and she was blunt about it. she spoke her mind said how she felt and whoa it hit me hard. i respect her for speaking her mind. but at this point im not sure if she did it to hurt me or to help me. either way it made me trealize so much. ive lost three of my best freinds. and i mean losing one was band enough but now all three. i guess i had it coming for me. the first adam. he could make me the happiest but then again he made me the saddest. ive had the worst and the best but im not sure if i wont the rest? its one of those types of things. i miss him more though everyday. its hard to say i dont care. its like i wont it to appearthat way. appear to him as though hes never hurt me. but the truth is he's hurt me more then any other person has. its hard to care for someone who doesnt care for you. it seems like he doesnt care so i figure why should i. but deep down i care so much. i just dont want to have to look at him and feel so hurt. i wish it wouldnt have gotten like this. and damn most of its my fault. then there krystyl. ive become so distant with her. she used to be the one who i would invite over and we'd sit on my bed and cry. wed confess or most inner secret to each other now we dont even confess or own personal feelings on our freindship to each other. we arent even on the same level of communication with each other. i want our freindship back the way it used to be. the good old times of us hanging witheach other for just the sense of comfort of knowing we'd always be there for each other. that no matter what i could call you up and tell you how i felt on boys,freindships,and just life in general. what happened? perhaps it was my distance and lack of communication. yes i know i have a way of being a hypocrite butdamn im done with that. im so sick of me acting like its everyone elses fault. no ones there to point the finger at me but i think its pretty sad when there doesnt even have to be someone there pointing the finger at me and i know itwas my fault. before i wouldnt have realized it but now i have. and then last but not least theres alex. the chic i could never get mad at. im pretty sure im not mad. im not sure how i feel at this point thogh. i know i feel im defintily to blame on our freindship falling apart. for many reasons im to blame. i will say that our lack of communication to each othere definitly played a part but the rest was me. what has happened to me. everyone has been like youve changed we like the old brittany. and in the begiing a few only said that now it seems as though everyones saying it. and im not sure what the old brittany was like but im pretty sure no one likes this brittany. im pretty sure i dont. but ya i guess i could thanks alex for jumping on my case about this but until i see improvement on my frienship with her im not sure what to do. I know im gonna do my part of changing and excepting the fact that ive done some hurtful things. and attempt not to do those things. and for anything else ive left out im sorry and for everything great i once had with you all i thank you and hope things can be like the once were soon.

post comment

me and things so far [31 Jul 2001|11:24am]
[ mood | not sure ]

at this point i feel like the lowest ive ever been. and its someting i defintilty cant appreciate and wont learn to appreciate either. damn i feel pretty stupid at this point if i cant notice my own flaws and others can. how could i be so ignorant to not notice i was changing for the worse. im a pretty ignorant person i guess. i never thought i could allow myself to become this way. damn i need to get my crap together. i need to fix this. easier said then done. yes i know it wil take time but i need to work on it. uhh i cant believe this. last night one of well im not sure what i would say but i consider one of my best freinds but ya she hurt me like no other. damn and she was blunt about it. she spoke her mind said how she felt and whoa it hit me hard. i respect her for speaking her mind. but at this point im not sure if she did it to hurt me or to help me. either way it made me trealize so much. ive lost three of my best freinds. and i mean losing one was band enough but now all three. i guess i had it coming for me. the first adam. he could make me the happiest but then again he made me the saddest. ive had the worst and the best but im not sure if i wont the rest? its one of those types of things. i miss him more though everyday. its hard to say i dont care. its like i wont it to appearthat way. appear to him as though hes never hurt me. but the truth is he's hurt me more then any other person has. its hard to care for someone who doesnt care for you. it seems like he doesnt care so i figure why should i. but deep down i care so much. i just dont want to have to look at him and feel so hurt. i wish it wouldnt have gotten like this. and damn most of its my fault. then there krystyl. ive become so distant with her. she used to be the one who i would invite over and we'd sit on my bed and cry. wed confess or most inner secret to each other now we dont even confess or own personal feelings on our freindship to each other. we arent even on the same level of communication with each other. i want our freindship back the way it used to be. the good old times of us hanging witheach other for just the sense of comfort of knowing we'd always be there for each other. that no matter what i could call you up and tell you how i felt on boys,freindships,and just life in general. what happened? perhaps it was my distance and lack of communication. yes i know i have a way of being a hypocrite butdamn im done with that. im so sick of me acting like its everyone elses fault. no ones there to point the finger at me but i think its pretty sad when there doesnt even have to be someone there pointing the finger at me and i know itwas my fault. before i wouldnt have realized it but now i have. and then last but not least theres alex. the chic i could never get mad at. im pretty sure im not mad. im not sure how i feel at this point thogh. i know i feel im defintily to blame on our freindship falling apart. for many reasons im to blame. i will say that our lack of communication to each othere definitly played a part but the rest was me. what has happened to me. everyone has been like youve changed we like the old brittany. and in the begiing a few only said that now it seems as though everyones saying it. and im not sure what the old brittany was like but im pretty sure no one likes this brittany. im pretty sure i dont. but ya i guess i could thanks alex for jumping on my case about this but until i see improvement on my frienship with her im not sure what to do. I know im gonna do my part of changing and excepting the fact that ive done some hurtful things. and attempt not to do those things. and for anything else ive left out im sorry and for everything great i once had with you all i thank you and hope things can be like the once were soon.

post comment

[09 Jan 1998|03:00am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Stand Inside Your Love
You and me
Meant to be
Immutable
Impossible
It's destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalculable
Insufferable
But for the last time
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful you
Don't understand
Don't feel me now
I will breathe
For the both of us
Travel the world
Traverse the skies
Your home is here
Within my heart
And for the first time
I feel as though I am reborn
In my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love
And for the first time
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever now
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn't be the one you love

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